Life can be painful...

     It's not very fun, but it is always worth it! (Hopefully!!!)

     Lately I have been struggling with certain circumstances that have popped up in my life. It seemed as though God looked down from the clouds and said, I hate you Donovan! (Name that movie and you get brownie points.) Everything was falling apart. (Or so it seemed.)

     My best friend from my tween years is going on a Mission soon, I haven't been able to come to terms with this. My Best Friend now is moving forever away! I refuse to never see him again though!!!!! My sister moved to North Dakota WITH MY NIECE, AND MY (soon to be) NEPHEW (She is gonna pop any day now!) I can't figure out what to do with my future... :(  This may not seem that big, because "From the outside looking in, it's hard to understand. From the inside looking out, it's hard to explain."  ~Anonymous

     I have been afraid of moving forward, the pain that I feel, the pain that I will feel, it is all just really intimidating... But as they say, "Everything You've ever wanted is on the other side of fear."  ~Anonymous

     I have let Fear rule my life for too long! I fed my fears instead of my Faith. I have had my priorities in a horrible order lately. I want to change that, but it's hard!

     I think it's hard for me because I always take care of others. Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with taking care of others, but if you put too much time and energy into helping others and save none for yourselves it is draining.  "Sometimes you don't realize your actually drowning when you're trying to be everyone else's anchor." ~Anonymous

     I have thinking a lot, and decided there are some things that I will do  to change how I live. I will spend less time taking care of others, and more time building up my spiritual and physical foundation! I will try to take care of my needs before I go spending money on everyone in the county. I will always take time out of my day to pray, and speak to my Father in Heaven. I will let others know how much I appreciate them at every opportunity I get. I will look at life more positively! But most importantly I will always remember the Love that my Lord. and Savior has for me!

     Thank you for listening to me rant. I would like to leave you with this final Quote, "Hang in there. It is astonishing how short a time it can take for very wonderful things to happen" ~Anonymous

I have decided...

     First of all, I've gone International! Quick shout out to my 32 viewers from France, my 2 from Germany, and my 1 from Poland!!! And of course the 86 in the USA.    Thank You ALL!!!!! Now on to Business.

     Lately my mind has been in the future. I know many people who have made a list of requirements for their future Spouse, but I am not worried about that right now. Although I have been pondering the question of "What type of house will I have?" And "What type of a life will I live?"

     Some may know that I LOVE Architecture!!! I love to sketch up some blueprints of houses that I want to build and live in. But that isn't really what I have been focusing on. I have been thinking more of the spiritual aspects of a home. I made a list of the things that I want in my future house, and family:

• I will always have music playing somewhere in the house! I love the effect that Music makes on my life. It can change the mood faster than anything that I know of.
• All of my children will know how to play the piano, and at LEAST one other instrument. Music is a wonderful thing. In my opinion it is the best language to learn in life!
• I will always take time to be outdoors. I don't care how big and extravagant my house may be, if I have the time I will be outside!
• My house will never be "too small" to take in someone, or something that needs my help! I will go poor and eat worms for breakfast before I let someone go hungry, naked, or cold. I will love no matter what comes into my home (no matter how hard it will be (Daughters boy friends...))  
• I will always have time for my kids. I may have to sacrifice time at work, or even (and heaven please forbid this one) Me time, but I will always be open to listen and help my children! Same goes for anyone in my house.
• My family will have Family Home Evenings every Monday. I don't care if their favorite band is playing that night, I don't care if Elder Holland invited us to Dinner (and if he does, shame on him! Doesn't he know that's family night?!?!) we are having FHE!!!!
• We will have flowers and plants around the house. AT LEAST ONE IN EACH ROOM! Plants bring happiness, and fresh air to all around them. There will be no ifs ands or buts to this one!
• My children will know how (and will succed) to keep a plant alive before they turn 18.

     I have also been thinking about the life that I will live. The previous section kind of covered some of it, but I want to list my self-standards anyways:

• I will love my Wife more than the Sun, Moon, and Stars! Some have asked things like "what would you do if your Wife didn't want the animals anymore?" And they sound so scared and worried, they think that I would be devastated, that I would divorce her, or worse... Get rid of the animals! and my only answer for them is, that won't happen. It always has been, and will be a requirement that my Wife will accept and love the Animals and children that I pick up off of the streets. There literal is nothing else to it.
• I will love my children more than all the worlds wealth!
• I will always help those in need. I heard a story of this ninety something year old women who was making food for the elderly, not thinking about how SHE was considered part of the elderly! One day I will be barely making ends meat, but every paycheck I will still donate a portion to charities.
• I will always be learning something new! I am deeply offended by the people who say "Old dogs can't learn new tricks." That is a load of Thorny Roses my friend!
• I will pray every day and night. Even when I'm old and fragile I will get done on my knees and thank my maker for all the many blessings he has bestowed upon my head!
• I will make fitness and healthy eating important in my life.

      Many of these goals will be hard to obtain, and even harder to follow through with, but I know that my Father in Heaven will help me. 

Keeping your standards in the world is...

     In this day and age it is very hard to keep our standards. Is it worth it?  This is a question that I have asked myself many times. A lot of the time its the small things that are the hardest.

     One of the (small) things that I have problems with is Modesty. When I go swimming I wear a rash guard. Many people nowadays have a snarky rude comment or two to share about it. It's really makes life hard for me. Not many understand why I wear it, and even fewer that understand the why agree or support me in my choice. Now I'd like to thank the people who do support me in my choice.

     Another standard of mine that I struggle to keep is not drinking coffee, especially since I work at a coffee shop. The boss of the boss of my boss has been at my store every day that I have worked. He tries to get me to taste the difference of Iced coffee and Hot coffee, or hand mixed coffee with flavoring and swirled coffee with flavoring. No matter how many times I tell him that I don't drink coffee, He tries again. It's getting a little annoying.

     So tell me Whats one of your standards that you have a problem with?

Life evaluation...

     Today I went to watch a performance of a choir that I used to be part of. It was amazingly beautiful. I spent twenty minutes greeting everyone in sight! Many of my beloved young friends embraced me exclaiming, "I haven't seen you in forever", and "where have you been!" Some claimed to "hate" me for never coming to see them. One kind women told me that she missed seeing me on the stage.

     It made me think about how none of us truly realize how much of a difference we all make everyday!!!

     Try thinking about how you matter to this world, now times that by a Bazillion!!!!!! You are now within Eighty-Thousand of the real amount.

     So what are you going to do now? I know what I'm going to do. I am going to work harder to live life, and to enjoy life! I will share my smile with everyone. I will spend more time with my friends. I will now use my time and money wiser then ever before!

     So now I ask you are you going to do anything new, different, or better? If so what? Feel free to share below!!!  Thank you for reading all of my post!

Hard decisions...

Life is full of hard decisions. That is a fact that we all need to face!

     At this moment I am making many hard decisions, some may seem silly, but they are terrifyingly hard for me!!!  I got a job, I got this job without an interview or an application. The problem is that after 5 weeks I still haven't heard back from them.  So I have to decide do I take the job? Or is there a better job out there?   I dislike this question for 3 reasons. Reason 1, It takes a lot of time to find a job! I thought that I had a job (and it only took a month and a half) but now I might have to look for a different one! :(   Reason 2, I don't like disappointing people.    Reason 3, It's hard.

     My BEST friend invited me to see his play, but I already had plans to do something else (something that I have already put money towards)!    This wouldn't be so hard except that I already told him that he is required to come to my play at the end of the month.    WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

     Another decision that I am making is whether I should start a Youtube channel or not.   Its outside of my comfort zone. To share my life over a blog is one thing, but to share my face and voice over a video is a completely different thing that scares me!!!!!!

I hope that all of you are having better luck with life then I am.

Today I learned an important lesson...

         So I was feeling really useless and down on myself! :( Which is a very weird feeling for me. I posted awhile ago about my decision to get a new job, well that didn't work out. I worked at the new job for about 3 weeks. I loved it! I was getting so many hours, I loved the people, and I learned how to do everything that my age didn't restrict! It was AMAZING!

         After 2 1/2 weeks Corporate decided to transfer my older sister to my store. Fun times I get to work with one of my favorite sisters, right? Wrong, it is against company policy for me to work under a family member. So they tried (really hard) to transfer me to another store, (because they didn't want to lose such a good employee.) The closest store was a 30 minute drive from my house! So I got mad, and I gave the good old "Give me this store, or give me termination!" speech. It didn't work. so now I am unemployed... Again.

         So it was the obvious thing to think, that maybe I was the problem. Maybe I shouldn't get a job. Which you should all know is an incorrect thought process. So I was feeling down, then I went a visited a very good friend. She was telling me about how she quit violin because it wasn't fun for her anymore. I convinced her to try it after 3 years of not even touching it, and see if she liked it anymore. She did, and she still doesn't like it. But that made me think, why did I ever stop playing the piano? It made me happy, I just didn't like the lack of progress that I was making. I figured that I should have picked it up super fast! Be playing Bach in 2 weeks time! But it didn't go that way. I learned at the same pace as everyone else. So I stopped. I was recently in a Choir for this ig celebration, that they were broadcasting around the world! I learned that I still love all things music. So what was stopping me.

         I tried to play the piano yesterday, I loved it, and I was still good at it! So now I want to play the piano as often as possible!

         This was an interesting week for me. I learned important lessons,

Beauty is whatever gives joy.  ~Edna St. Vincent Millay. 

Music in itself is healing. It's an explosive expression of humanity. It's something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we're from, everyone loves music. ~Billy Joel

Now in parting I give you this, to ponder,

A painter paints pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence. ~Leopold Stokowski 

Life is hard...

Come on now, we all know it. Not even I can deny it.

     I had a job at a restaurant, but I had problems there. So I had to Quit. I loved working there, I loved the people there, and I loved the benefits!!!! All of that made it really hard to Quit. So I had to decide if the job was benefiting me enough to stay, with all the problems and complications that came with it.

     The day that I made My decision, I discovered that "Life is hard." 
My reasons behind that are, 

#1, Sometimes you have to make the hard decisions. 
#2, People come and go.
#3, Pain is always a part of Life.

     Well let me ask, why do people continue to go through with life if this is the case? Well let`s answer that question by going more in depth!

     Sometimes we have to make the hard decisions, so that we can better live our lives. When we face a hard problem, We progress. Jairam Ramesh a member of The Indian National Congress  said  "There never is a good time for tough decisions. There will always be an election or something else. You have to pick courage and do it. Governance is about taking tough, even unpopular, decisions."

     People come and go, but friendships are forever! As a wise man named Kahlil Gibran once said, 

“If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.” And so we see if they are our friends, then we have nothing to fear when they leave.

     Pain is a part of life, but so is Love, Happiness, and (the best of all) Friends! A great Inspiration to me, Kelly Clarkson has this to say, "My friends and family are my support system. They tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear and they are there for me in the good and bad times. Without them I have no idea where I would be and I know that their love for me is what's keeping my head above the water."

     So don't worry if you have to make the hard decisions, or if People come and go, and definitely don't worry about Pain being part of life.

     To finish My story, I ended up quitting that job. I found a job that works better for me! A job that I am happier at. I love life! It is the best thing that ever happened to me. Earlier we asked a question, why do people continue to go through life if that is the case? Let me now answer in more simple terms, We live because we have to, because we enjoy many moments of it. We live because we crave to know the unknown! So keep living! Learn what you don't know! Do what you want to do, no matter what!!!!!