The monster that lives by my side...

I have a shadow that follows me around,
A living monster who haunts me, but has no sound.
It's always been there, with or without my knowing.
I'm never safe from its power ever-growing.
I feel it near me as I go throughout my day.
I try to hide, but it sees me where ever I may lay.
Though I always smile to everyone I see,
I know there is a monster always following me.
Positive I think, but it always finds a way
To bring in the doubt, I'm always in its sway.
While on my own in its grasp I am held day to day.
With my strength alone life always looked kind of gray,
But I know that on the inside I will always have a guide!
Someone to help me, he takes my worries in his stride.
My God is with me! My salvation to secure!
I'll make it through, though it's not easy to procure.
I know one day my monster will subside,
But for now, I will, in this world reside.
I'll be myself, and always be okay!
Sharing my smile, making someone's day.
I'll keep on praying for strength to overcome,
While I thank my Lord for the person I've become!

The importance of self-confidence...

Many days I look around and see two types of people. There are people who are certain, and there are people who are reluctant. Many times when I spend the extra moment to talk to them, I learn something, and from those somethings I learn a big truth. It is our acceptance of who we are that brings self-confidence.

If you look at a young child, you can tell that they have confidence in who they are. But as time goes on, we begin  to lose that confidence. We start to allow ourselves and others to tear us down. As someone who has always had a lack of self confidence, I can tell you it's not easy to build     your self-confidence back up, and it's near impossible to     keep it up. It always appears as though we have a bunch of things pushing against us, but in the end it is ourselves who are our own stumbling blocks.

In my experience, I've found a few things that have helped me to regain, and maintain my confidence.

One of the things that I have always used against myself is my height. My height is fine, and honestly I don't mind it, but sometimes when someone else brings it up, I can't help but feel odd. I know people who are taller than me, I know people who are shorter that me, and I know people around the same height (like the giraffe I met at the zoo the other day). Height is different for everyone. Height is something that some are blessed with, and others are blessed without, and that is okay. Once I realized this I learned that it's okay to be little old 6 foot something me!!! Sometimes it just takes a little bit to remind ourselves, I am good enough.

I know lots of people who are labeled as "vain". I know many of people who deserve that title, but I'm talking about the people that are viewed in that way because they "invest too much of their time on their looks". When I hear this my blood boils! When somebody takes the time to improv themselves, it's okay, in many cases it's even beneficial. When we step back, and decide who we want to be, and then go out and become that person it's the best thing we can do! When someone does their makeup, dyes their hair, or even just styles that hair, they are making a good investment. After they do all that they feel beautiful. When someone goes out and buys a new wardrobe, and take time to develop their own personal style, they feel comfortable in who they are, and that's great! Sometimes it does us good to remind ourselves that we are worth it!!!

It may be hard, it may take awhile, but to be confident in who we are is the best feeling out there. And it helps us to be better. So yes I'm going to continue to be outspoken, I'm going to wear my sweaters and scarves, I may even go back to blonde, because I am enough and I recognize that. I'll still have my moments of doubt, but I know that I can make it through. I am certain of who I am, I walk around with a glow of happiness, I am the Donovan Bird, a son of a holy being. Now the question is who are you?

Which "Me"

Sometimes I struggle with my self image. I worry about what people will think about. I ponder on what I can do to improve me. I obsess over what I see as my faults, the parts that make me feel inadequate. I focus on the outward version of me.

The outward "Me"

But that is only a small fraction of who we are!!! Have you ever had a day where you were truly you? A day that you did everything the way that comes naturally, without worrying about how you appear to others? A day where you "Let your Freak Flag fly"? Now think back to that day, and think how it felt. Did you feel Confidence? Did you feel Happy? Did you feel at Peace? Did you feel Hopeful for your future? 

I refere to that type of day as a day where your "true self" or "inner self" was showing through with Confidence! 

Whenever I try to wrap my head around who my true self is, I don't think of an echo of my outerself, but I see it as more of an abstract thing. A collection of what makes me ME!!!

A version of the true me.

When we acknowledge who our true self is, we will be more content with our outward self. When we view our inner self, we see potential. My goal is to reach a point where I can see my outward person, and see past my faults and failures, and instead see Strength, Passion, Drive, and Purpose. What do you want to see when you look in the mirror? 

2015 in one post...

Twenty-fifteen was a CRAZY Year!!! I had so much fun.

Pink gorilla at the Winter Homeschool Conference? I think yes!

I had my good days,

I had my bad days,

But through the whole year I had my friends,

 I had my Family,

And I had a lot of fun!!!

Whether I was Baking,

Or trying out new hair colors,

I worked hard,

I have grown throughout this last year, I've changed. I traveled, I taught others, I learned from many, but in the end I'm the same old me!

Just maybe a little more mature...

It's okay to be different... It's good to be different... Right?

A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.

        When I would sing a few years ago I was a beautiful Tenor! When I would sing last year I was a gorgeous Bass. But now I have to work hard to hit the wonderful bass notes that are in a "bass range", but I can sing the Tenor notes with ease.

        Now that would not be a problem if I was not in a position where I have to sing a song with two other people; and one of the people I sing with has an impossibly, and ridiculously low/deep voice. The other boy that we sing with has a perfect tenor voice, but he keeps finding himself singing "painfully low" notes. When I sing with the later of the two I keep him at the higher note, and it sounds great! But when the third joins in we have a slight problem where my dear friends both sing really deep. So now I have to work hard to master, and control of my deeper register. It's a big balancing act, and it's not the easiest, but I'm hoping it can all work out!

Whatever makes you weird, is probably your greatest asset.

                 ~Joss Whedon

        I asked myself the other day, if I had to move to a different state, or maybe even a different country, how many of my friends would still be my friends when I came back? Which ones would  miss me? And in all honesty, I think there would a very large portion of people that would stay in touch. I am hoping that is because I am a quirky, loud, social, and an oddball not in spite of it. But I'm pretty sure it's because they are good, nice, and caring people! 

        This random question has me thinking, what makes me a good friend? Am I a good friend? What makes a good friend? THINKING CAN GET REALLY PAINFUL, and repetitive... So what do you think makes a good friend?

New York, Friends, Family, and hard work...

        So last week I flew out to New York to visit my Best friend, and my almost family. It was so much fun! I didn't get to go into New York city, I didn't visit Broadway, but I enjoyed every moment of it.

        The trip started on a plane. Haha! It was a plane to Chicago. I spent one day visiting my second cousin Billee, and her sweet husband Larry in a little town a little away from Chicago. We got Chicago pizza, and honestly I don't see what all the fuss is about. It wasn't awful, but it also wasn't my favorite. Lets see if I can describe it. Its crust was like a pie crust, a thin buttery yummyness. The pizza had a whole lot of sauce, it was like a soup. At this particular restaurant we got it with Chicken, red peppers, sun dried tomatoes, and some fresh Basil. It was a good combo, but their sun dried tomatoes were large, so in the whole lot of sauce they got gummy. It was odd but kind of yummy. Would I get Chicago over normal? No. Would I eat it again? Possible.

        Then Billee bought me POPCORN!!!!!!! But not just any popcorn, it was Chicago style Popcorn. I LOVE that type of popcorn, it's a mix of Cheese, and Caramel popcorn. It's super Yummy!!!

         I then flew to the Buffalo Niagara Airport. I was picked up by my friend Avot, The Goob, and Chugger Dude (I love their nicknames!). We drove over to their home. Now let me tell you New York in October is the best, most beautiful, most magical thing I have ever seen!

        While I was there we visited Palmyra, walked through the Sacred Grove, Visited the Log house, the frame house, The Hill Cumorah, Alvin's Grave, The print shop, and I got to do Baptisms for the dead in the Palmyra Temple. It was a perfect trip! Just wish my BF could've come.

        We also went on a hike in Watkins Glen. Talk about magic! It had waterfalls, an orange glow from the Autumn leaves, and my Best Friend wearing a wrap with his little brother tied in! Magically wonderful trip! And this is the trip I met my favorite Aunt, Aunt Jackie! She was great!

        I loved our trip to Niagara falls! I loved the cute small town I stayed in, the cute little Chocolate shop, and the Erie Canal! Kel E. and I went to a ward members to chop a whole lot of wood! They tried to kill me with a 1lbs burger and then a 3/4 lbs burger. I think I am going Vegan. Haha! But the most fun came from just sitting around the house with all my friends! I am so grateful for the time I got to spend with the Biesinger family, I hope to see them again someday, But as of right now I may not see them for more than THREE years!

I guess this is goodbye old pals!You've been a perfect gang! Love you all!

Sometimes we have to say au revoir...

Some may find this to be an over dramatic sob story, luckily you'll live!!!

         Yesterday I went to help my best friend run errands, today we went to have fun at Lagoon, tomorrow my best friend, my second Mom, and a bunch of my friends are leaving. They are moving to New York. 

         I will miss them more than I can put into words! I am so appreciative for the love and care that they have provided for me. I am so excited to go visit in October! 

         I will miss the Bee half of my family, but I know that this will be a great experience for them! 

Au Revoir my singing Bees!