Which "Me"

Sometimes I struggle with my self image. I worry about what people will think about. I ponder on what I can do to improve me. I obsess over what I see as my faults, the parts that make me feel inadequate. I focus on the outward version of me.

The outward "Me"

But that is only a small fraction of who we are!!! Have you ever had a day where you were truly you? A day that you did everything the way that comes naturally, without worrying about how you appear to others? A day where you "Let your Freak Flag fly"? Now think back to that day, and think how it felt. Did you feel Confidence? Did you feel Happy? Did you feel at Peace? Did you feel Hopeful for your future? 

I refere to that type of day as a day where your "true self" or "inner self" was showing through with Confidence! 

Whenever I try to wrap my head around who my true self is, I don't think of an echo of my outerself, but I see it as more of an abstract thing. A collection of what makes me ME!!!

A version of the true me.

When we acknowledge who our true self is, we will be more content with our outward self. When we view our inner self, we see potential. My goal is to reach a point where I can see my outward person, and see past my faults and failures, and instead see Strength, Passion, Drive, and Purpose. What do you want to see when you look in the mirror? 

2015 in one post...

Twenty-fifteen was a CRAZY Year!!! I had so much fun.

Pink gorilla at the Winter Homeschool Conference? I think yes!

I had my good days,

I had my bad days,

But through the whole year I had my friends,

 I had my Family,

And I had a lot of fun!!!

Whether I was Baking,

Or trying out new hair colors,

I worked hard,

I have grown throughout this last year, I've changed. I traveled, I taught others, I learned from many, but in the end I'm the same old me!

Just maybe a little more mature...

It's okay to be different... It's good to be different... Right?

A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.

        When I would sing a few years ago I was a beautiful Tenor! When I would sing last year I was a gorgeous Bass. But now I have to work hard to hit the wonderful bass notes that are in a "bass range", but I can sing the Tenor notes with ease.

        Now that would not be a problem if I was not in a position where I have to sing a song with two other people; and one of the people I sing with has an impossibly, and ridiculously low/deep voice. The other boy that we sing with has a perfect tenor voice, but he keeps finding himself singing "painfully low" notes. When I sing with the later of the two I keep him at the higher note, and it sounds great! But when the third joins in we have a slight problem where my dear friends both sing really deep. So now I have to work hard to master, and control of my deeper register. It's a big balancing act, and it's not the easiest, but I'm hoping it can all work out!

Whatever makes you weird, is probably your greatest asset.

                 ~Joss Whedon

        I asked myself the other day, if I had to move to a different state, or maybe even a different country, how many of my friends would still be my friends when I came back? Which ones would  miss me? And in all honesty, I think there would a very large portion of people that would stay in touch. I am hoping that is because I am a quirky, loud, social, and an oddball not in spite of it. But I'm pretty sure it's because they are good, nice, and caring people! 

        This random question has me thinking, what makes me a good friend? Am I a good friend? What makes a good friend? THINKING CAN GET REALLY PAINFUL, and repetitive... So what do you think makes a good friend?

New York, Friends, Family, and hard work...

        So last week I flew out to New York to visit my Best friend, and my almost family. It was so much fun! I didn't get to go into New York city, I didn't visit Broadway, but I enjoyed every moment of it.

        The trip started on a plane. Haha! It was a plane to Chicago. I spent one day visiting my second cousin Billee, and her sweet husband Larry in a little town a little away from Chicago. We got Chicago pizza, and honestly I don't see what all the fuss is about. It wasn't awful, but it also wasn't my favorite. Lets see if I can describe it. Its crust was like a pie crust, a thin buttery yummyness. The pizza had a whole lot of sauce, it was like a soup. At this particular restaurant we got it with Chicken, red peppers, sun dried tomatoes, and some fresh Basil. It was a good combo, but their sun dried tomatoes were large, so in the whole lot of sauce they got gummy. It was odd but kind of yummy. Would I get Chicago over normal? No. Would I eat it again? Possible.

        Then Billee bought me POPCORN!!!!!!! But not just any popcorn, it was Chicago style Popcorn. I LOVE that type of popcorn, it's a mix of Cheese, and Caramel popcorn. It's super Yummy!!!

         I then flew to the Buffalo Niagara Airport. I was picked up by my friend Avot, The Goob, and Chugger Dude (I love their nicknames!). We drove over to their home. Now let me tell you New York in October is the best, most beautiful, most magical thing I have ever seen!

        While I was there we visited Palmyra, walked through the Sacred Grove, Visited the Log house, the frame house, The Hill Cumorah, Alvin's Grave, The print shop, and I got to do Baptisms for the dead in the Palmyra Temple. It was a perfect trip! Just wish my BF could've come.

        We also went on a hike in Watkins Glen. Talk about magic! It had waterfalls, an orange glow from the Autumn leaves, and my Best Friend wearing a wrap with his little brother tied in! Magically wonderful trip! And this is the trip I met my favorite Aunt, Aunt Jackie! She was great!

        I loved our trip to Niagara falls! I loved the cute small town I stayed in, the cute little Chocolate shop, and the Erie Canal! Kel E. and I went to a ward members to chop a whole lot of wood! They tried to kill me with a 1lbs burger and then a 3/4 lbs burger. I think I am going Vegan. Haha! But the most fun came from just sitting around the house with all my friends! I am so grateful for the time I got to spend with the Biesinger family, I hope to see them again someday, But as of right now I may not see them for more than THREE years!

I guess this is goodbye old pals!You've been a perfect gang! Love you all!

Sometimes we have to say au revoir...

Some may find this to be an over dramatic sob story, luckily you'll live!!!

         Yesterday I went to help my best friend run errands, today we went to have fun at Lagoon, tomorrow my best friend, my second Mom, and a bunch of my friends are leaving. They are moving to New York. 

         I will miss them more than I can put into words! I am so appreciative for the love and care that they have provided for me. I am so excited to go visit in October! 

         I will miss the Bee half of my family, but I know that this will be a great experience for them! 

Au Revoir my singing Bees!

My priorities are slightly odd for my age...

I am a procrastinator, let's just get that out right now.

       I have been wanting to make a vision board. For those of you who don't know what that is, a vision board is a board/book/wall that you put everything on! You place your goals, dreams, inspiration, and things that mean something to you on it. You can use pictures, words, or drawings. There are no limits to what you can do with it!!!!!

        I put a few (a lot more than a few :) ) things up on a poster board. I choose a few things from each category, and some of them overlap.

        In the goals section, I put a picture of a Missionary tag (I also made a little thermometer thing that will measure how much I have saved for my mission), The San Diego LDS Temple (I don't know why but it's my favorite, and I want to get married there one day.), a photo of the Niagara falls (I'm going to see them in October!!!), My drivers Lincense (I don't think that I have made it too important to myself...), A picture of a guy on a mountain (I'm starting a routine of going on a hike AT LEAST once a month), the word Joy, a Pharmacy tech badge (I have been planning on getting certified),  and the Book of Mormon (I have been trying super hard to get through it all, I've let myself be too busy so I haven't read it yet).

        For my dreams I have, The San Diego LDS Temple, a blue I Phone 5 (I can dream right?), a nice newer BLUE car, and a Pharmacy tech badge.

        In my inspiration area I found, a Picture of a red umbrella sticking out above a bunch of black ones (To remind me to be ME even on the gloomy days), a picture of a yellow smiley face surrounded by a bunch of blue Sad faces (for a reason that I don't feel like sharing today), The word God (He is my biggest Inspiration!), the Word Friend I have been working hard to become a better friend, I put the word Joy to remind me to always find "Joy in the Journey"

        And last but certainly not least, right in the middle I put a picture of me (Right after I got a haircut) with my Best Friend Forever and Ever DBSTSDC, It may have been the best moment that I have EVER had captured on camera!

My thoughts on the family...

        As I was driving around with my dear Mother she said something that made the cogs in my head turn. She said, "Whatever you do in your life it will have to involve taking care of things." For many people that is a simple statement that wouldn't make much impact, but for me it opened a whole new part of the world!!!!!

        In this day and age many people are trying to decide what their stance on how the family should work. Some think the women should be at home caring for the kids and house, baking pies for when their hubby comes home. Some believe in both parents being out making something of themselves out in the work field. Some are starting to have the women be the provider, and have the husband at home caring for the kids. Personally I think it doesn't matter, as long as the children are provided for.

        As I thought on what my Momm said I decided I would enjoy the last of those options. I realized that all of my life I have been doing things that I could ,make money doing, AT HOME!!!!! I love the idea of staying home with my kids, while making money growing food, raising livestock, and making soaps, cheeses, lotions, etc... I have always loved caring, and I love loving! I have always enjoyed what I do. I have loved living the way I have lived!

        I also realized that all of the college courses I've been interested in are things that I could do from home. Those courses are Marine Biology, Pharmaceuticals, Veterinary science, Botany, Architecture, and Business Management/Marketing.

        Raising and breeding Marine life such as, Corals, Anemones, and Fish, can be a very profitable (and pricey to start) business.

        With a knowledge of Veterinary Sciences, and Pharmaceuticals I can raise Goats, Cows, Pigs, Chickens, Rabbits etc... And if I raise those animals I can provide food for my family, and maybe have a little extra to sell for $.

        I can also grow and sell Fruits, Vegetables, Herbs, Flowers, and many other helpful, and healthy Items.

        I have always wanted to design my own house! I love to draw up plans, and blueprints, and dreaming about all the possibilities!

        And of course to make money with anything I would have to know how to run and advertise a business.

       So I have realized I really would love to be a stay at home Dad!!!!! But of course that is going to be a decision to be made by my Wife, and I.

       I hope that all of you are able to find what works for you one day. Have a wonderful life!

Your friend Donovan. ;)